Your mouth is God's brothel.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I want her autograph on my taint
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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