Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to sanitize my soul.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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