Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
