dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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