I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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