hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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