We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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