I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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