so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize