I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
