from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
