It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
