New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
