Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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