How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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