My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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