Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
