sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Two words: blizzard sex
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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