I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
