What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
