..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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