I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
