She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself