Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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