you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
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i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
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You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..