i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
