3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
im having a threesome with these popsicles
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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