I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?