oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
