you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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