she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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