i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm having to shit out rocks
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
