I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
