soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
how drunk are you?
Several
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
