Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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