I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
