Heybabeimwearingurpanties
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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