no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
