I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
