Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(217): View more from Illinois

i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?

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(410): View more from Maryland

There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.

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(705): View more from Ontario

We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?

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(979): View more from Texas

Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.

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(419): View more from Ohio

Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.

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(607): View more from New York

You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.

(607): View more from New York

That can't be good for your liver!

(1-607): View more from New York

Thanks for caring mom.

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(727): View more from Florida

I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....

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