i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
