I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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