there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
