then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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