Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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