My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
