evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
