You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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