i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
