we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
