I skipped work to stalk him.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
