Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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