I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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