Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
