I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
