I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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