Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
The cops high fived after they tackled you
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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