your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
