guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
