I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
then he tried to convert me to islam
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
