the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
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I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
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The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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