Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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