she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
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this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
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Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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