I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
FUCK WHALES
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