is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
