I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize