Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Randomize
