Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
