We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
