nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
